Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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