do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
