last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
