I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have fence marks all over my body
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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