'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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