But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
