so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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