she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
