We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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