You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
