you will always have a special place in my vag
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
