I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
