Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
