I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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