Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
