I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
