Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
