I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
