Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
