i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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