That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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