I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
