I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
