Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
