you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
