i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
