and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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