The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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