ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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