sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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