Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
