Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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