Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
