Umm I'm too high to move.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Panties = found
Randomize
