Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COCAINE IS GR8
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
