Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
