Acid is not a monday night drug
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
