I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
