I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
