Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
