She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
