I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just tell him i said nine months
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
