I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
