Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
