Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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