just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
