That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
