My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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