I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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