I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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