There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
