used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
