:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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